Breaking up with Perfection

We often assume that to gather well everything has to be perfect. But perfection keeps us from connecting with one another when we need it most. Perfection tells us we need to wait to gather: for the perfect venue, or until we can afford the fancy decor, or for everyone to be getting along, or until our lives feel shiny and presentable. Perfection keeps us from joy, connection, and starting small.

I’ll say it once, I’ll say it a million times – there is no such thing as a perfect gathering. So here’s my wish for you as we end one year and begin another: let go of perfection, and embrace the giddy abandon of throwing a gathering you would want to attend.

Unpopular Opinions for the Imperfect Gatherer

1. Introverts throw the best parties.

Introverts don’t hate people, they’re usually just the first to acknowledge that a party that feels like a forced LinkedIn networking event isn’t their vibe. Adopting an introvert’s mindset helps you design gatherings attuned to many forms of connection.

2. A bigger budget doesn’t make a better gathering.

Budget constraints can be our friend: they help us focus on designing around a purpose rather than imitating a Pinterest board.

3. There is such a thing as too much fun.

Sometimes we get carried away making everything fun before asking Why are we doing this? It’s good to know how to dial for depth, tenderness, and vulnerability, too.

4. It’s okay not to include everyone.

Not every gathering is for everyone. A small group of the right people is better than a large group of the wrong people. Your guests will know that they’re there for a reason, which creates a more intentional and intimate experience for everyone. The key? Learning how to say not this time with grace.

5. Selfish hosts bring the energy.

Gather around what gives you energy. If a whacky gathering idea interests you, others will likely also be intrigued. Energy is contagious: trust that what moves you will attract others, too.

6. It is possible to throw a good Zoom.

(Or even – gasp – a good hybrid meeting.) Tech can make guests spectators instead of participants. Don’t let it. The #1 skill for virtual gatherers is creating psychological togetherness, and it’s learnable.

7. People like rules.

Particularly when that rule is, “If you talk about your kid, you have to take a shot.”

8. Forget keeping the peace, stir the pot.

Channel heat into healthy, low-stakes competition and activities that help guests blow off steam – without burning the house down.

***

As we close this year, I am grateful for this community. You inspire me with your stories, ideas, and questions. You give me so much energy, and I consistently learn from you. I hope you each have time to connect with the people you love over the next few weeks, in ways that make you chuckle, and I’ll see you in 2025.

As always,

Priya

I sat down with TED to talk about how to create meaningful gatherings over the holiday. Our conversation is now online and available for all.

Watch it here

Inspirations

Here’s an idea for your New Year's intentions: rather than focus on self-improvement, consider committing to some practices that strengthen your connection to others around you. I like to call it “group care,” and it can create more reciprocity and forward motion than that lapsed gym membership. 😬 Some places where I’m drawing inspiration:

Why volunteering is worth it.

Volunteering can feel big and daunting, and the outcomes abstract. In a conversation with Vox, Rachel Cohen and Bob Putnam explain that getting out there once a month for a cause is worth it in large part because of the simple fact that it connects you more directly to the community around you.

Why Friendship Can Be Just As Meaningful as Romantic Love.

I learned a lot from Rhaina Cohen’s book this year, The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center. She’s now out with her first TED talk on how to make friendship more central in your life.

YearCompass

One of my favorite end-of-year reflection guides is back. It’s free. And it’s great. I love it because it makes me contemplate how I actually pass my days, rather than my idea of how I spend my time.