When gathering becomes a lifeline. “Bonnie might cry, and it’s okay if you cry. She’ll want to hold your hand sometimes.” These words were the sign-off of an email invitation to a very specific kind of gathering. I met Bonnie in December. She approached me after an event I’d spoken at and told me about this “unlikely gathering from a few years ago” that had gotten her through a very dark period of her life. “It kind of saved me,” she told me. We often assume that we gather only in good times...
3 months ago • 4 min read
Breaking up with Perfection We often assume that to gather well everything has to be perfect. But perfection keeps us from connecting with one another when we need it most. Perfection tells us we need to wait to gather: for the perfect venue, or until we can afford the fancy decor, or for everyone to be getting along, or until our lives feel shiny and presentable. Perfection keeps us from joy, connection, and starting small. I’ll say it once, I’ll say it a million times – there is no such...
4 months ago • 3 min read
How to cool down this year’s family gatherings We’re coming off an intense and polarizing election. If you, like millions of Americans, are traveling to spend time with an extended circle, you may be thinking more than usual about how to help the group connect (or just not blow up). When there’s been a rupture within a group, we tend to think we need to go immediately to the tear. To hash it out, to talk through what’s wrong and how we’ve been hurt, just one more time. Sometimes we worry that...
5 months ago • 6 min read
The pre-gathering texts that make your palms sweat “Oh, shit.” 🥴 We’ve all gotten that text. “Can I bring my two friends to your birthday??” “Hey, could you add me to that meeting I saw on your calendar?” “We’d love to come for Thanksgiving! FYI we’re all eating Keto at the moment.” Gathering with intention has a way of bringing up squirmy conversations that most of us would rather avoid. Ugh. I don’t want to deal with this. Why do I even try to do something different?! But here’s the thing:...
6 months ago • 5 min read
Turning up the heat in your gatherings (without burning down the house) When Amanda and her boyfriend decided to get married, they knew immediately that they wanted a tiny wedding. At first, they tried to avoid the inevitable confrontation with dear friends and extended family by making the date as inconvenient as possible: the day after Thanksgiving, with only two months’ warning. Alas, no dice. Their loved ones assured them they were ready to drop everything to be there. 🥴 So they had to...
7 months ago • 4 min read
Why Designing for Introverts is Better for Everyone. There’s a set of questions I’ve been getting recently that rhyme: “Do you have hosting tips for people who don’t like being the center of attention?” “Can I be a good host if I don’t have a big, bubbly personality?” “What if I’m better one-on-one?” “I’ve been feeling anxious around big groups since lockdown. How do you gather when you have social anxiety?” I respond the same way each time: “Congratulations! You share a trait with the most...
9 months ago • 4 min read
5 ways to gather without breaking the bank I recently saw a viral TikTok of a millennial woman asking her Gen Z followers how they spend their time: “What do you do for fun? Where do you go?” The answers were grim. “We aren’t having fun, we’re just working. No weekend money.” “I’m 23 and I rot inside.” “It’s too expensive, so I crochet and play video games.” “As a 21-year-old, the economy makes it difficult to have fun that way, I work 40 hours weekly and I'm either too tired or can't afford...
10 months ago • 6 min read