How to get buy-in from your guests Last year, I attended a back-to-school night for my daughter’s kindergarten. There was the inevitable slightly awkward energy in the cafeteria as parents milled around finding the one other person they might have met before. But within a few minutes, an administrator stood on the stairs and welcomed everyone, “Welcome to our favorite night of the year! On your tables, there are some get-to-know-you questions.” We saw white paper strips with print on them....
3 months ago • 5 min read
Gathering as a way back to awe A few months ago, after speaking at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, I went to dinner with a small group — a mix of old friends and new faces. As we looked at the menu, I felt that familiar hostess heat to help the table connect. But before I could say anything, my oldest friend Clarissa looked up and asked, “When’s the last time you felt awe?” I paused. What a beautiful question. I shared how a new friend, just that week, had taken me to a secret park in...
3 months ago • 4 min read
How to hold collective grief We are living through a time of massive, unacknowledged collective grief. And we have neither the language nor the rituals to process what it is we’re going through. Just consider what we’ve been through since 2025 began: the devastation of the Los Angeles fires, daily headlines about institutions gutted, our democratic system under attack. The specter of global war hangs in the background. And before that, the pandemic has shown us how fragile our ways of living...
5 months ago • 6 min read
You don’t need all the answers — just a place to begin. Sometimes, the best gatherings aren’t the ones we plan for, but the ones we create in response to the world around us. Ashley had recently moved into her own apartment in St. Louis after a 15-year-long partnership ended. Just as she was dreaming up a housewarming party to mark this new era, she learned that the International Institute of St. Louis had furloughed 60% of its staff after Trump paused federal grants to programs benefiting...
6 months ago • 6 min read
When gathering becomes a lifeline. “Bonnie might cry, and it’s okay if you cry. She’ll want to hold your hand sometimes.” These words were the sign-off of an email invitation to a very specific kind of gathering. I met Bonnie in December. She approached me after an event I’d spoken at and told me about this “unlikely gathering from a few years ago” that had gotten her through a very dark period of her life. “It kind of saved me,” she told me. We often assume that we gather only in good times...
6 months ago • 4 min read
Breaking up with Perfection We often assume that to gather well everything has to be perfect. But perfection keeps us from connecting with one another when we need it most. Perfection tells us we need to wait to gather: for the perfect venue, or until we can afford the fancy decor, or for everyone to be getting along, or until our lives feel shiny and presentable. Perfection keeps us from joy, connection, and starting small. I’ll say it once, I’ll say it a million times – there is no such...
8 months ago • 3 min read
How to cool down this year’s family gatherings We’re coming off an intense and polarizing election. If you, like millions of Americans, are traveling to spend time with an extended circle, you may be thinking more than usual about how to help the group connect (or just not blow up). When there’s been a rupture within a group, we tend to think we need to go immediately to the tear. To hash it out, to talk through what’s wrong and how we’ve been hurt, just one more time. Sometimes we worry that...
9 months ago • 6 min read
The pre-gathering texts that make your palms sweat “Oh, shit.” 🥴 We’ve all gotten that text. “Can I bring my two friends to your birthday??” “Hey, could you add me to that meeting I saw on your calendar?” “We’d love to come for Thanksgiving! FYI we’re all eating Keto at the moment.” Gathering with intention has a way of bringing up squirmy conversations that most of us would rather avoid. Ugh. I don’t want to deal with this. Why do I even try to do something different?! But here’s the thing:...
10 months ago • 5 min read
Turning up the heat in your gatherings (without burning down the house) When Amanda and her boyfriend decided to get married, they knew immediately that they wanted a tiny wedding. At first, they tried to avoid the inevitable confrontation with dear friends and extended family by making the date as inconvenient as possible: the day after Thanksgiving, with only two months’ warning. Alas, no dice. Their loved ones assured them they were ready to drop everything to be there. 🥴 So they had to...
11 months ago • 4 min read