Gathering as a way back to awe

A few months ago, after speaking at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, I went to dinner with a small group — a mix of old friends and new faces. As we looked at the menu, I felt that familiar hostess heat to help the table connect. But before I could say anything, my oldest friend Clarissa looked up and asked, “When’s the last time you felt awe?”

I paused. What a beautiful question. I shared how a new friend, just that week, had taken me to a secret park in Brooklyn. We jumped with abandon on a life-size metal instrument and sat on a secret moon-shaped bench designed to hear a whisper from afar. All in a hidden (public!) park. My friend Ben shared that he feels awe when he surfs – but also, any time he sees a giraffe. My colleague recalled driving through Ireland with her mom and sister, stunned by the green hills and literal jumping sheep. Just by talking about awe, I started feeling something subtle shift in me, and in our group.

I think of gatherings as the creation of a temporary alternative world that anyone can build. And by bringing people together in a specific way we create the wild possibility of actually altering each other.

After the last few heavy months, I asked you all to share with me a gathering that has recently warmed your soul. And today I want to share 5 of them here, why they worked, and how you might do the same.

5 gatherings that shifted the energy (that you should steal):

1. A Celebration of Celebrations

You can do this, too.

Ari used the excuse of her birthday to be a vessel for celebration. By doing so, she took some of the weight off herself, while also using her “birthday cred” to nudge her guests to celebrate something in their own life. By the end of the lunch, her friends said they felt lighter, more connected, and surprised by how much they needed a moment to simply celebrate themselves — and each other.

Host a bring-your-own-reason-to-celebrate party. Each guest brings something specific in their life to celebrate – can be tiny – in community. It’s all the rage.

2. An unexpected time of day

You can do this, too.

Displacement creates novelty and a sense of possibility. This is what the morning dance movement DAYBREAKER taps into by hosting 6am raves, and what Truman Capote was doing by serving spaghetti and hash at midnight at the Black and White ball.

Choose an unexpected time of day and pair it with something that wouldn’t normally “happen” in that hour but might just make you ask: why don’t we do this more often?

3. Bringing back older ways

You can do this, too.

What struck me most when reading about this gathering was how physical it was, how big the pots were, and that it almost felt as if the women were tapping into an older way of being.

Invite people to make something together with their hands that is not food. One of my favorite books is Big Messy Art, and the most surprising (and freeing) insight of the book is BIG and physical and collective and messy is good.

4. A different kind of clothing swap

You can do this, too.

She wasn’t attending a hectic free-for-all frenzied clothing swap, she was participating in a ritual of change. Think Marie Kondo, but for groups — shedding and transferring in community.

If you find yourself spring cleaning, perhaps invite a few others to bring a precious object that they, too, are ready to part with and share the story of its life so far, and see what happens.

5. Remembering to welcome

You can do this, too.

I loved learning how these hosts explicitly designed for connection across cultural differences through intentional questions.

Host a meal that brings together people who might not otherwise cross paths. Invite guests from different backgrounds, generations, or life experiences. Use simple, thoughtful conversation prompts — translated if needed — to facilitate connection. It need not be fancy. Instead of endlessly fretting over a large policy issue, bring it into your lived experience. (And, if you’re in New York, you could even attend a Welcome Dinner.)

***

As spring emerges, the energy in New York feels lighter. The sun is still in the sky as I sit with my kids over dinner. The cherry blossoms on the walk to school make us gasp. People are finding the last open spot in the park to lay down a blanket.

Katherine May writes about awe as something we don’t “find,” but something we learn to tune back into.

I wish for you to host or experience gatherings that help you tune in (and take note when it’s happening.)

As always,
Priya

Revisiting this beautiful conversation I had with Katherine May on how to gently gather again.

Listen here

Inspirations

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You might have heard that a papal conclave will be under way in the coming weeks. Not only will this secretive process reveal the next pope, but it is a fascinating, highly ritualized, intelligent, built-over-time collective gathering that us gathering nerds can study and learn from as an archetype of collective, political, symbolic decision-making for a tribe. Here’s a piece to get you started on the basics of the infrastructure of the conclave.

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