Create the gathering you’ve been waiting for

I recently found myself in a fierce game of kickball. It wasn’t a formal league with uniforms or registrations. My friend texted a group of us declaring the time had come for a match in Prospect Park. Most of us hadn’t played since elementary school, but we showed up on a Sunday afternoon. She had staked out a flat grassy area, and we paced the “bases” out with our feet. We were rusty, but what we lacked in skill, we made up for in enthusiasm. To the left of the third base line, my friend laid out a picnic blanket with snacks for the kids (and for the adults who needed a break from sprinting). It was low-stakes, scrappy, joyful fun. And it was one of the most alive afternoons I’ve had. My friend designed the kind of gathering she actually wanted to attend, and fortunately, invited us to join.

When I encourage aspiring gatherers to start by hosting a gathering they would want to attend, they often pause. I see the wheels turn, and then that familiar look of disbelief and longing: “Wait… I can just do that?”

To them (and to you!) I say: Yes. Yes, you can.

You don’t have to host a stiff dinner party or keep recreating the same offsite or board meeting just because that’s how it’s always been done. You don’t have to wait for a milestone, a holiday, or permission. You can begin with a feeling you’ve been carrying, a need that’s been building, or a question that keeps tugging at your attention. The best gatherings don’t start with logistics; they start with a longing.

6 ways to host a gathering you can’t wait to attend

1. Make up your own reason to gather.

Ryan and her closest friends have a ritual they call the Half-Assed Potluck. There’s no holiday, no birthday, no milestone to celebrate, just a shared agreement that showing up is reason enough. The rules are simple: bring whatever’s in your fridge or pick something up on the way. Wear sweats. Don’t clean. Use paper plates. They eat what appears, pile onto the couch, talk, laugh, and everyone’s home by 8:30. Sometimes the most sustaining rituals are the ones that meet us where we are.

Ask yourself: What if you didn’t wait for a birthday, a milestone, or a reason? What gathering might you invent? (Bonus points if the title makes you laugh.)

2. Bring back something you miss.

When a group of cousins, scattered across cities, countries, and time zones, realized how much they missed each other, Kai decided to bring back a ritual they’d created in the early days of the pandemic – virtual game night. In their group chat, he asked everyone for their availability and their favorite game from that time. The vote was unanimous: Scattergories. It was low-lift – they didn’t plan a big reunion. They just logged on and played, and remembered how good it felt to be together.

Ask yourself: What have you done in the past that sparked connection with ease? What would it look like to bring that back—just because you miss it?

3. Chase your curiosity – and invite others along.

Tenley saw a tomato tart recipe she couldn’t stop thinking about. Instead of just saving it for later, she used the force of gathering to explore that tart. She sent out a playful, illustrated invite and hosted a weeknight dinner party—dress code: tomato. She set the table with her favorite china and candlesticks, not out of obligation, but because she wanted to. She hand-painted tomato-themed place cards. Her friends arrived in red outfits and, between bites of tart, answered the night’s central question: “What made you feel most like a tomato this week?” The answers ranged from calm and content, to joyful and about to burst, to totally embarrassed. It was quirky, tender, and full of delight. Tenley had the idea—and gathered within a week. Don’t overcomplicate it.

Ask yourself: Is there something you’ve been really curious about making or experiencing? Is it something you can invite others into, too?

4. Design for your actual life.

For Arna and her partner, camping with preschoolers felt more stressful than fun. But instead of ditching the idea altogether, they reimagined it to fit their season of life. Every summer, they invite local families to pitch tents in their yard, set up a projector, and watch a movie under the stars. There’s popcorn, watermelon, and kids bundled in sleeping bags just steps from their own beds. It’s low-stakes, joyful, and meets everyone exactly where they are.

Ask yourself: What version of a gathering would feel good and doable now—not in a different season, but in this one?

5. Create space for what’s really going on.

Julie and a friend were craving a space to process the heaviness of the world—and to not feel so alone in it. So they started a weekly block gathering called Give a Damn (Sundays). It’s straightforward: bagels, honest conversation, and a place for neighbors to come together and talk about what’s really going on in the country. They hope to include teens and kids over time, but for now, they’re just showing up, week by week. It’s imperfect, evolving, and deeply needed.

Ask yourself: What if you created a space — not to fix the world, but to feel it? Who might need that space as much as you do?

6. Turn a bucket list item into a reason to gather.

Domingo had always wanted to walk from the top of Manhattan to the bottom. Instead of doing it alone, he turned it into an invitation. He texted a handful of friends: “Hey y'all! I’m trying to cross something off my bucket list. Anyone game to walk the 15 miles from the top of Manhattan to the bottom this weekend?” That Saturday, five friends met early with their babies and dogs and coffee in hand. They walked through parks and pockets of neighborhoods stopping into restaurants that had always been on someone’s To-Try List. By the end, their feet were sore and their cups were full.

Ask yourself: Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t yet? What if you invited others to do it with you and made a day of it?

***

Create the gathering you’ve been waiting for, and trust that if it feeds you, it will feed others too.

In uncertain and heavy times, gathering with intention is one of the most powerful, everyday ways we remember how to be human. So gather, gather, gather. Be with your people. These moments won’t fix everything, but they restore us to ourselves and one another.

With care,

Priya

P.S. We’re still working hard over here behind the scenes, and have something exciting in store for you all. Stay tuned! 😉

I sat down with Fixable from NPR to talk about one of the biggest misuses of group life: meetings. We got into how to stop wasting time and what makes a gathering actually matter.

Listen here

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